I guess I can't predict everything

 I take enough notes about everyone else so I can keep up with what the hell is going on that I think I know shit about myself. I can try all I want to fill in the holes trying to explain and  predict everything so that I don't get caught unprepared, but that's not how life works is it? 
I'll learn that surprises aren't always bad eventually. 
This feels like mindless rambling that doesn't make sense. Nothing I say makes sense this week. Do I ever make sense?